I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
