Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
