Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
