Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
