somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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