My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
