Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
