i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize