Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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