she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
