I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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