He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize