im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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