i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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