just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize