you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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