I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
