Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
