Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
