I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
