arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
