i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
