I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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