May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
