put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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