I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize