Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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