I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize