When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
