Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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