I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
