My friends, they love my intelligence
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
