You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
