He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
