The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
