Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
