maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
