I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He has the fingertips of a God
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