I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
