You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
