my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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