i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So vagazzling was a success
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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