There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
