I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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