I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
