We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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