You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
