He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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