there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
