Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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