do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
