I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
