That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
