She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
