I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
