I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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