this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Someone shit on the floor
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
