And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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