it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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