you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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