I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
