I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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