arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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