I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
