Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
