1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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