This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
