why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
