I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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