I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
