Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize