Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
