Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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