Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
