My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
