please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
