Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize