we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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