i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
