I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
