I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
