You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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