Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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