i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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