i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
