I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Randomize
