I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
