Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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