Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this will be a night to untag.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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