Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and she was petting her beer can
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
