in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
