I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
