I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
