I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
