No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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