so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
