all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
BRING THE BAGELS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
