Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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