I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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