my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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