do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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